Southbourne Positive Living Group - 10 Rules to Live By for Those Who Want to Live a Positive Life

1. Be comfortable in your own skin.

The first step to becoming happy is to feel comfortable in your own skin. Everyone was born with a flaw. No one is perfect. Accept yourself with what you’re born with whether it be your background, your skin, your nose, your eyes, your hair, your freckles, your breast, or the size of your private part. You have to accept yourself for who you are and love yourself.

It is the number one happiness killer. Because if you are not comfortable in your own skin, this becomes your biggest concern that stays on the top of your mind everyday — it kills your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and the happiness that comes from within. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship of all and if you can’t make peace with it, it will keep bothering your mind.

If you find it hard because other people discriminate or make judgments about you, distance yourself from people who are shallow and narrow-minded. You are better than that. Prove to them and to yourself that you are capable and talented in so many other ways. Surround yourself with people who value the same things as you and leave the people with bad attitudes behind.

2. Appreciate what you have and never compare yourself with others.

You will never be truly happy if you keep looking outside and wish you have what you don’t. The grass always seems to be greener on the other side but that does not mean it’s actually greener. If you keep wishing, hoping, expecting for something else and don’t feel happy with what you already have, you will always feel miserable and feel like something is missing in your life.

Worse if you keep comparing yourself to others, wishing your life was like theirs; your face and body were like theirs; your family was like theirs; your partner was like theirs, you will feel the jealousy burning within you. While comparing yourself to others in a healthy dose as to set yourself a benchmark of success or accomplishment can be motivating, doing so with jealousy burning within is not.

If you can live simply and appreciate what you have, acknowledge that everyone is different, and stop comparing yourself to others, you will experience joy and happiness in everyday life.

3. See the positive in every situation.

You will always run into unfortunate situations in life that are outside of your control. You can choose to feel sad, annoyed, angry, or stressed about the situation or turn it around and focus on the positive. You can choose to be stuck in a bad situation or let go, move on, and start anew.

Learn from a failure or a bad experience and never repeat the same mistake. Every setback and bad situation in life teaches you something. Growth doesn’t happen in comfort. Take it as an opportunity to train your mind to be stronger, more resilient, and more equipped to be able to deal with things life throws at you.

4. Let go of your need to control.

Control makes you feel secure. But at the same time, with control you also lose freedom. Confusing isn’t it? When you try to control your life, situations, and sometimes others, you do so because you want to feel more secure.

However, when you feel more secure because you take control of it, you lose control of yourself and very likely of those you try to control. This is because you become dependent on the feeling of having control. And it can drive you crazy because things don’t always go as planned. Trying to control things will not only drive other people away which will make you panic even more when that happens, but it also hinders you from achieving happiness from within.

5. Drop the resentment within.

Most of the time you hold onto anger because you believe it would make the person you’re mad at upset and realize that they have done something wrong. But the fact is that you are actually hanging yourself up on something that’s burning you within. When you’re mad at someone, the pain is onto yourself more than it is onto the person you’re mad at. When you hate someone, the fire is within your own mind.

No matter what one does to you — hurt you, look down on you, underestimate you, backstab you, abuse you, or cheat on you — when you hold the hatred, you hold the hurt. Only when you learn to let go, you let your soul free from the pain. No matter what it is that caused them to do certain things to you, the best thing you can do is to let go.

It will be hard to do if you’ve never done it before. But slowly, one day at a time, be patient, let it go, forgive those who’ve done you wrong, you will feel that each day you get stronger and more powerful.

If you’re struggling to let go, start with meditation. Even meditation is hard because you need to control yourself not to think about anything while meditating — but that’s the key! Being able to control one’s thoughts and focus, and keep one’s mind at peace strengthens the mind’s muscles — this is the secret power of meditation.

The fire is only within you. The person you hate doesn’t feel your hatred. Let it go. Let it go.

6. Live in the moment.

I believe that one of the reasons little kids and happy couples on dates are happy is because they live in the moment. They focus on what is happening in front of them and pay attention to the person they are with. When you live in the moment and do your best, you just feel happy. Why wouldn’t you? You don’t worry about the future, neither do you feel sad about the past.

Take every waking hour as it comes and do what you are supposed to do and complete what you’re supposed to complete. Stop overanalyzing or trying to predict and plan things too far. The only constant in life is change. Just live in the moment and do your best.

7. Avoid overanalyzing.

This is what a lot of us do — overanalyzing things from relationships to career and finances. Overanalyzing is dwelling on the thought about something, thinking about it over and over, trying to dig deeper and deeper, because somehow you believe it could end up giving you a way out. When in doubt, overanalyzing somehow gives us comfort. Most of the time, we never actually get an answer but a set of worries.

In order to avoid overanalyzing, we need to be more outspoken with people whom we have doubts about, take things as they come, and listen closely to our intuition.

8. Stop worrying about the future.

Many of us worry. We worry about our future — about our career, health, living, finances, and about the people we love. We worry because we are scared. However, worrying doesn’t make anything better unless we stop worrying and start taking actions towards our goals. If you’re worried about your health when you get older, then you should start eating healthy and exercising regularly. If you’re worried about your finances, then you should start saving up for the rainy days. If you’re worried about your kids, then encourage them to take actions to help you ease your worries.

Remember that worrying about your loved ones doesn’t actually make them better. It only affects your health and your blood pressure. Your loved ones will need to take actions themselves. All you can do is to encourage them and help them move towards the right direction.

9. Drop your ego and be true.

We have our ego as our security guard that protects our self-esteem from being attacked. However, sometimes we become a victim of our own ego. This is when the ego takes control and we become too arrogant and act above ourselves. We distort the reality about us. We live in an illusion. Sometimes we do so because we believe it will take us somewhere. Sometimes we do it because it makes us feel good about ourselves.

Whatever it maybe, letting your ego become your front shield actually hurts you more on the inside because you can’t be your true self. You just live with lies. In the end, you just can’t take it anymore because you are just faking it and are attracting people who are also faking it. Over and over, you will become tired of it and feel like no one really understands you. This is when you will realize that you will never be truly happy unless you stay true to yourself and others.

10. Have an open mind.

Having a narrow mind can hurt you more than you think because naturally we as humans don’t like being disapproved of. We don’t like feeling like we’re wrong because it makes us feel rejected and unaccepted.

So if you don’t have an open mind which means you stand firmly on your beliefs and ideas and oppose others who think otherwise, you will feel extremely agitated and uncomfortable when people with different beliefs and ideas are presented in front of you.

On the other hand, if you have an open mind, you wouldn’t mind hearing about the different beliefs. In fact, you would embrace the difference, want to understand it better, and become adaptable and flexible in your approach. You wouldn’t have to fight with yourself in accepting others. You’d feel at ease with differences and feel positive about change.

Southbourne Positive Living Group (SPLG) meets on the last Wednesday of the month (excluding holidays).

Join a group of like- minded people and rediscover the purpose and meaning of your life.

8 Tips for More Positive Living Southbourne Group

Positive living requires the ability to separate the positive from the negative. In many cases, you will not have to work too hard to eliminate the negativity from your life. When you focus on positive living, you attempt to fix your focus on the positive aspects of your life. When you manage to focus on the positive, many of the negative aspects of your life will just disappear, without requiring any specific attention from you. However, there are always some instances where it can be quite difficult to stop yourself from running to the negative. This is simple human nature. It is something which we have been programmed to do over the years (e.g. by negative news and experiences).

However, just because you have been programmed to focus on negativity; it does not mean that you have to stay that way. With raised awareness, you can make a concerted effort to redress the balance and live a life based on positive living. Rather than feel bad about the excessive negativity in your life, you can choose to do something about it.

8 Steps to experience more positive living

Positive living is a conscious choice. You have to commit yourself to a new way of life. Here are some tips for adding some positive influence to your life:

1. Find a happy place

Create a place in your mind that is your ideal paradise. It can be a vision of a future life, a memory of a great holiday or, any thought/image which quickly floods your mind and body with positivity. When you feel stressed or down just go to your happy place, relax there and enjoy it.

It may require a little trial and error to identify your happy place but once you have identified it, you can use it any time that you need to increase your positivity rapidly.

2. Indulge yourself in a hobby

The simplest way to experience more positive living is to spend more time doing the things that you love. When life gets hectic, many people make the major mistake of cutting back on the things which they enjoy. However, if you want more positivity in your life, you have to think more positive thoughts and do more positive things. Positivity does not creep into your life by accident and, if it does, it rarely lasts for long. Doing something you enjoy will raise your spirits and allow you to maintain a positive attitude; all while eliminating some of the negativity from your life.

3. Exercise

Most people think of exercise solely as a physical activity. This is far from the truth. Exercise is just as important for your mental health as it is for your physical wellbeing. A regular exercise regime helps you to release stress from your body while filling your body and mind with positive feelings, confidence and a sense of achievement.

While many people look at exercise in a negative way, it really can bring positive influences to your life. The body’s reaction to exercise is a good one. Adopting an exercise regimen is an essential aspect of positive living as you will feel better and act better.

4. Find affirmations

Affirmations are sayings, verses or other short pieces that have a positive influence. For some people, they are a verse from the Bible or even a line from a greeting card. Affirmations are a conscious effort to make you think positively. Using an affirmation daily can perk up your attitude in an instant.

5. Exploring new things

When you are overcome by negativity, it is easy to avoid trying new things because you fear the unknown. But, if you think about it logically, you are experiencing negativity because your current experiences are not working for you. So, it is highly unlikely that trying something new is going to bring about a worse experience. In fact, if you want to feel better and experience more positivity, it is imperative that you try something different and new. Positive living is greatly enhanced by new experiences and the joy that they bring.

6. Do not walk away from a challenge

Challenges bring growth, opportunity and new experiences. Without challenges, your life would stagnate. Some people like to think that they can maintain the status quo but life doesn’t work that way. If you try to stand still, you will eventually begin to move backwards as life passes you by.

When you take on new challenges, you get the opportunity for new successes which, in turn, bring greater self-esteem and a raised sense of self-worth; both of which are essential components of positive living. Even if you don’t succeed at first, this only increases the sense of accomplishment which you experience when you finally achieve your objective.

Negative to positive in post

7. Ignore the rules

We often allow ourselves to be restricted by rules, formal or informal. Before you get caught up on rules, ask yourself ‘Whose rules are these?’ Often, the rules that hold us back are the rules that others enforce upon us. They are entitled to live life as they see fit and, set rules for their own life; however, they have no right to force their rules upon you.

There are times in life when you can have a lot more fun simply because you are doing something you were specifically told not to do or, that others might disapprove of. Take the time to understand your own values and set your own rules; for your own life. When you live to these values and rules, you will experience more fun – the key ingredient of positive living.

8. Visualize

Your imagination is a wonderful thing. Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between reality and imagination. When you imagine yourself living the life of your dreams, your subconscious mind thinks that you really are living that life and, you get the feelings of positivity and pleasure that come from living the life of your dreams. In addition, you will become more confident in your ability to create that life as your subconscious mind will be convinced that you have already done it.

The quickest way to a more positive life is to develop your self-confidence. If you lack self-confidence, check out Unbreakable Self Confidence.

The tips above are just some of the many ways in which you can experience more positive living. The important thing to remember is that positive living does not happen by accident. It takes conscious effort on your part to increase the amount of positivity that you experience in your life. Just because you might currently experience excessive negativity in your life; it does not mean that things have to stay that way. The tips provided above all have one thing in common; they are based on the principle that you create your own positivity and you make your own happiness. So, let yourself be guided by the things that make you happy, implement these steps and start your journey to positive living.

Southbourne Positive Living Group (SPLG) meets on the last Wednesday of the month (excluding holidays).

Join a group of like-minded people and rediscover the purpose and meaning of your life.